The Health section of The New York Times on March 2 debated the usefulness of bribing school children with money, toys, candy and electronic gizmos to have them attain better grades.When I was in school, it was cute stickers and the pride of getting a good grade that you could brag about that made your parents all sorts of happy.' The good grade was the proximate award for all the hard work.' Getting the reputation as being smart was a good thing, and becoming valedictorian was great, as was qualifying for scholarships of all sizes for college.' Spending a lifetime knowing you worked hard and earned what you had the hard way was the long-term reward.Now, some geniuses want to rob children of all of that.' These greater minds than ours want children to fight for things of substance (money) rather than for things of glory (purpose).' Not all endeavors have a high rate of financial return:' a hospice worker helps the dying and their families face their fears of death; a fireman runs into burning buildings to save complete strangers from a horrible death; kindergarten teachers introduce our children to the world of budding independence, self-confidence, social maneuvering and the alphabet...and that's only a few examples.Frankly, we need more kind and compassionate people than we do more "A" students in this world, as it turns out that the greatest thieves (many CEOs, crooked politicians and Ponzi scheme giants), terrorist masterminds, and general sociopaths all have very high IQ levels and got great grades.How about us giving financial rewards, candy and electronic gizmos to kids who go out of their way not to bully, tease, steal, lie, sexually harass, or sexually act-out?' Or to those who won't drink or take drugs or steal or backtalk their elders?'Would that work, I wonder? More >>

"I love your show, but it makes me CRAZY when you subscribe to the double standard that men get a pass on being sexually cavalier but women are to be thoroughly and soundly condemned.' Why, oh why, don't you condemn the men as much as the women?' Why aren't they just as 'piggy' and deserving of condemnation?' That societal attitude encourages men to attempt to use women sexually as their birthright and also encourages women to be insecure and distrustful of sex in general.' You're putting a sexual burka on women overall with that attitude. I'm not advocating casual sex.' I'm condemning the acceptance of a double standard.' Come on!' There are two sides of that coin and each should assume major responsibility for engaging in casual sex.' Until the act is equally condemned, how can women take those rules seriously?" This is a recent email from a listener taking me to task for what she perceives is a sort of anti-female, double standard mentality.'First of all, God and nature are responsible for the reality of a double standard.' Women have breasts from which to suckle the baby born from their uterus after a nine month gestation.' Women's high-pitched voices and hearing are geared for the infant-mother bonding that miraculously takes place right after birth.' Women's temperaments to nurture, cuddle, coo, and protect are hardwired into their psychological programming.' Women are different from men.There is no question that men more easily dissociate love and sex.' Young males in particular are open to sexual experiences for the challenge, orgasmic satisfaction, and status among other males.' These qualities are not synonymous with femininity.Women give themselves sexually to men out of love, a desperate desire to be wanted and loved, or for money.' It is not typical, as it is with men, for a woman to feel proud of the number of men who have penetrated her; and the only women who look for the sexual challenge are those so twisted with anti-male rage that domination of a male is a form of psychological rape which satisfies that neurotic anger.Males are generally out of control every which way until they fall in love and take on the obligations and responsibilities of a man committed to a woman and family.' All the research demonstrates that men who are married make more money, are healthier and happier, and function better socially than "loner" men.' In fact, the deranged males who perpetrate horrendous acts of violence are generally such loner males with no families to make them feel important, give them purpose and direction...and love.Women are the taming and socializing force in society.' Men will only do what women allow.' Remember the ancient Greek classical play "Lysistrata" ?' The women in the town refused to have sex if their men continued to participate in war and violence.' Poof, all the violence stopped.' Women have always had the power over men; but feminism got women off the track of realizing that, and on the track to only hating or disdaining men.Now, women have largely become "pigs."' Instead of embracing modesty, pride, values, and self-value, they parade around showing their bodies like Playboy bunnies, have sex before "hello," shack up with men without marital commitment, make babies on their own (declaring that men/fathers aren't necessary), use abortion as birth control, and don't imagine feminine sweetness has any place in marriage and are bored with sex with their husbands but turn on to every other Tom, Dick, and Harry.' That is why men have little respect for women these days. More >>

Kellogg's, the cereal and snack manufacturer, cancelled its lucrative sponsorship contract with Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps because he was caught on camera smoking marijuana last fall.' Apparently, all the other companies with similar contracts did not cancel their contracts with him.' However, USA Swimming, the sport's governing body, has suspended him from competition for three months.My point of view is "hurrah" to Kellogg's and USA Swimming team.' They are demonstrating to the children and young adults of America that the perks of fame are earned in an ongoing manner with not only the accomplishment (Gold Medals from the Olympics) but a continuous responsibility to represent the team, the sport, and personal character with honor.' Having consequences for bad judgment and stupid (as well as illegal) behaviors teaches children and young adults to think twice before sacrificing so much for so little. More >>

On a recent Sunday afternoon I was having my favorite salad (spinach salad - hold the dressing) at one of my favorite restaurants, when I couldn't help noticing two well-coiffed and dressed women having lunch (salads and pizza) at the table directly to my right side.'I was not intentionally trying to listen to what they were saying - I promise you! - it's just that every now and then, the noise lulled and I could hear one of them say, "Yes, she is so nice/smart/talented, etc." .' I don't believe they were talking about the same woman each time, but I was so impressed that two women "gossiping" over lunch were - brace yourself - saying nice things about another woman or women!When we got ready to leave, I went over to the table and admitted that I could hear some of what they were saying - although I wasn't really trying to - and that I was immensely impressed that having had the opportunity to be critical or catty, that they were both speaking so nicely about others.' I further said, "You two must be really nice people!" They smiled at me - with distinct surprise - and one of them immediately said, "You must be a nice person too to stop and say this to us." Wow- a real "karma" moment.'Why don't you look carefully around you and take the opportunity to compliment folks you see who are doing the "right thing." More >>

I'm very sad that, generally, girls today are pigs.' I was speaking with a group of young men in their early twenties, about their social lives.' They each admitted to multiple girlfriends with "overlap."' Most of them expressed some disappointment that they really can't find what they know Dr. Laura would label a "nice girl." "You think they are good girls, but the minute you show them some attention, if they're at all interested, they are all over you with zillions of daily suggestive text messages and sex.' They're open for, ahem, servicing us, even before we've taken 'em out on legitimate dates - which can usually be just a visit to a bar or club. "I think," one fellow continued, "that just about all girls these days are pigs." This made me very, very sad.' Because the more that young women act like "pigs," the less respect and regard men have for women in general - and the less they hope and fantasize the blessed possibility of a lovely wife and mother to their 84 children.I opened the paper today to read about a young woman from San Diego who is selling her virginity on a website so that she can pay for her - get ready for this - education as a marriage and family therapist!' Her sister apparently led the way by being a call-girl/hooker to pay for her education.' Well, there is nothing new in women selling their bodies for financial compensation; what is new is the bold and cavalier way it is happening today.' The young women I mentioned said outright that sex and virginity means nothing today.' And this is the sort to help families and marriages?' Are you kidding?When everything of value is demoted to "nothing"...then how is anything ever elevated to "something."' See?' That's why I'm sad.' I'm sad for all these young men who have been taught by the piggish women of today that love, fidelity, and intimacy mean nothing.' I am sad that our young men have been robbed of hope that they can ever be secure in a marriage, because how can they trust a cavalier "pig" to ever be anything else? More >>

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I'm just sickened to hear the news that Lori Drew was only convicted on three misdemeanor counts of unauthorized access to computers after she, her then 18 - year-old assistant, and her teen daughter plotted to humiliate a neighbor 13-year-old...who ended up killing herself because of the emotional pain she endured at their fingertips on the computer keys.You've probably heard the story: the young girl committed suicide in October of 2006 after the end of her online relationship with a fictitious 16-year-old-boy created on a fake MySpace account.' According to various news reports, the trio used the account to contact and befriend Megan.' Within a few days, Lori Drew encouraged her daughter and her assistant to on-line flirt with Megan; they planned to lure Megan to a mall to confront her with the hoax and taunt her.As things go and grow, another neighborhood girl got involved in the whole thing and sent Megan a message - as if she were the fictitious boy - that he didn't want to be friends anymore.' Lori Drew's assistant then, according to the District Attorney, wrote, "the world would be a better place without you in it."Twenty minutes later, Megan's mother found her hanging from her belt in her bedroom closet.I'm not a lawyer and I don't really understand all the legal machinations about what criminal behavior this planned cruelty constitutes, but it's clear that there's no real punishment for people who misrepresent themselves on an internet chat site with the INTENT to do emotional harm to a child known to have several psychiatric disorders.' Federal and state laws appear to be mute on this issue, and while companies like MySpace have "Terms Of Agreement" (which is kinda what "caught" Lori Drew, because she didn't abide by those terms), they don't have much in the way of "teeth" - often the most they can do is terminate the service of the offender.Imagine: one mother decided to drive another mother's child to devastating emotional pain as entertainment; she includes her own young teen daughter and a young adult employee....and they all have a great time of it.' No one charged the assistant or the daughter, even though they were all complicit in the intent to do emotional harm.'I hope there is a civil court for something like wrongful death so that these people pay some price for their evil cruelty.Now - add to that the parental responsibility of more supervision of this vulnerable, fragile, emotionally compromised child...her parents had reversed the lock on her bedroom for her "safety," as they were aware that she had problems.' Children without psychiatric issues ought not have unsupervised access to the internet or text messaging or any form of communication without parental oversight.' Children with psychiatric issues are at more risk.'Recently, another teenager, this one 19, overdosed with several medications to kill himself while his computer stayed on so that everyone on the net could watch him die.' There was a huge rageful response to folks waiting 12 hours before reporting this situation to the net site or the police...who came too late.It seems that he'd done this before, so many folks thought he was playing "wolf," others just didn't care, some showed concern, and others just "egged" him on....the same way folks on the ground often "egg on" a person threatening to jump from a tall building.' There are always creeps about.What was curious to me is that the reports of this event include that the boy died in his father's room and on his bed; that he used a combination of prescription and illegal medications.' Again we have a pathetically ill young man without proper supervision by those who could understand and help him.' It sounds like he needed hospitalization.The Internet gives young folks the attention and pseudo-importance they naturally crave.' It is also a conduit for evil...the same way electricity is neutral...unless you try to electrocute somebody with it.Parents have to be less casual about the evil that comes through all these technological marvels of communication. More >>

WHAT MATTERS MOST By Cheryl Gochnauer Like every Tuesday morning, little kids were tossing a football around our front yard, waiting for the school bus to rumble up the street. Like every Tuesday morning, I smiled at them from behind the glass storm door, then turned toward the TV, clicked the remote, and caught the news. The second plane hit the World Trade Center. "Carrie, come here!" I yelled out the front door to my 3rd grader, making her miss the pass. "Wow!" she said, watching the instant replay. Then, "Can I go play?" Man - I wish I could go play. Instead, I'm transfixed in front of the TV, watching the rescue efforts, praying for the missing. My girls seem to be okay. Carrie did ask to sleep with me that night, but since then has been busy planning her birthday party. Her 8th-grade sister, Karen, is studying American History. "That book will have a new cover next year," I remarked. "It'll be a picture of the World Trade Center imploding." We lost more people Tuesday than from Pearl Harbor (2200), D-Day (1500) and the Titanic (1500), combined. It's staggering. So is the response of Americans. I'm a political news junkie, and my stomach has been tied in knots more times than I can count over the past couple of years. Through impeachment, the election and the erosion of religious rights, I've shaken my head, convinced our country was headed for moral meltdown. Then came Tuesday. Amazingly, America leapt up, grabbed her flags and her Bibles and ran to help. Monday, we bickered about taxes and rebates. Tuesday, we flooded New York and Washington with volunteers, money and supplies. Politicians held hands and sang "God bless America" on the Capitol steps. There was an unexpected union of church and state, and our country was better for it. A sad silver lining, I know. But a silver lining none the less. Each of us are now making our way through the stages of grief (defined by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross as denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). We've all been jolted; we all understand how fragile life is, and how precious. Those who read this newsletter every week and visit the website and message boards do so because you love your families, and want to spend as much time with them as possible. Tuesday's events sharpen our resolve to live our lives in such a way that there will be no regrets. As we help others through this tragedy, let's also take this as a universal wake-up call. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. If your heart is calling you home, act. Pay off those bills; put away the charge cards. Bypass anything standing between you and your kids. Those who scoffed at your desire to be an at-home parent last Monday will support you today. As the phone calls from the towers reflected, family is what matters most. (Comments? Email Cheryl@homebodies.org . Or visit her website at www.homebodies.org where you can post messages about the attacks on a special discussion board. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.) More >>

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